She's off!

Don’t close your eyes…
This is your life, and today is all you’ve got now,
And today is all you’ll ever have.
This is your life, are you who you want to be?
-Switchfoot

So as an audio engineer currently living in Springfield, Virginia, you may be wondering what brought me to take on this whole Africa trip. While I don’t exactly have an easy answer for that, I do know that while I was at home one day contemplating the meaning of my life, along with what I’m doing to better myself and the world in which I live, I couldn’t really come up with a satiating answer for myself. I’ve always been a huge advocate for the idea that if you don’t like where you are in your life, then DO something about it. When I signed up for this program back in October, I was not at all satisfied with where I was in particular, and I’m not the type to just sit around and wait for things to get better by themselves. If we want something badly enough we must take initiative. After many months of job hunting and interviews that didn’t go anywhere, I was convinced that I had to take another route. The next thing I knew I was online and signing up for a volunteer program in Kenya! Such is my life…one spontaneous (but intuitive) decision after another. It’s how I ended up studying abroad in France; it’s how I ended up packing my car and moving myself all the way across the country to Arizona; it’s how I got myself into running 26.2 miles for the National Aids Society (most painful 6 hours of my life by the way)… and now it’s how I find myself getting ready to board a plane to Kenya. But my spontaneous decisions have always fulfilled me in some way, and although I may have major doubts and even be scared to death about what I’ve gotten myself into (as I have been feeling the past month or so), I have never not gone through with any of them, and I have certainly never been left with any regrets when all is said and done, as each experience has it’s own reward.

I was recently having a conversation with my best friend about Purpose. We all have an innate desire for some sort of purpose in our lives, be it through what we do, a person we love, etc. And I feel like I’m on a journey to find that… nothing ventured, nothing gained right?! I need to take some time off, away from things that have been holding me back, and figure out myself (yeah, good luck with that Jen!). I enjoy the image portrayed in the idea that it’s impossible to see our own reflections in running water; we can only see ourselves clearly and truly in still water. When I was first compelled to sign up for this trip, I especially felt like I was drowning in a flooding river, focusing too much on what it took to keep my head above, losing touch with my inner self. Life gets so busy sometimes with the hectic lifestyles that consume us that we sometimes forget who we are at our core. Who are we at all? Who do we want to be? For what do we spend our days running around from place to place? Time away is sometimes all we need in order to see things clearly. But one thing that I have figured out is that my own life is not about me at all. Life is about the world around me, how I fit into it, and how I can have a positive effect therein. So who knows, maybe I won’t ever find out what my true purpose is…but I’ll be darned if I don’t have incredible experiences during my search!

So for those of you wondering, this is not the first time I’ve considered a trip to Africa, or a volunteer program for that matter. I feel like I have an innate affinity for this particular continent, which is probably why I was so stubborn about going despite all the recent political upheaval. And although I don’t know where this affinity comes from, I do know that it’s there. I’m intrigued. So I guess I’ve just finally answered the call. God has a funny way of getting us to do certain things, and I truly feel that He has had a hand in this whole process. His grace and providence have been major factors in seeing me through until now. We’ve been through a lot together…tears, laughter, joys, the pits. We’ve dodged some pretty nasty bullets. Matrix style! And I have no doubts that His presence will continue. So in addition to seeing this amazing, spirit-filled country, I wanted to do a volunteer program because when we are given so much to be thankful for in our lives, the only thing we can rightfully do is show gratitude for what we have received. It was made clear to me recently that gratitude is not just in what we say or things we do from time to time. Gratitude is a way of life. I have been so blessed in my mere 26 years. I have witnessed the beauty and peace of God in so many different places. I have experienced His goodness even in the bad times – which in looking back don’t seem all that bad anymore, especially now that I’m able to see the good things that came out of those bad situations. But sometimes I wonder if I do show enough gratitude for all my blessings. And my answer is pretty much always a big NO on that one. We are called to love deeply and fully, no holds barred. And to steal a line from amazing singer/songwriter, India Arie, the greatest expression of love is to give without expecting anything in return. Not that I do this well, but it’s still a good principle to strive towards. I have definitely been a recipient of this kind of love, and so I’d like to give back at least a little bit of what I can through volunteering my time in an area that needs it, in a place I’d like to be myself. I’m not saying I can’t live graciously where I am, but I’ve got a hankering to go. And for those of you who know me well, you know that it’s incredibly difficult for me to keep my feet planted in one spot for an overly extended period of time. It’s been well over a year since I’ve left the country, which is just way too long! Thus continues my journey on the road of life…

Now I certainly don’t expect a month of everything coming up roses for me, but I do hope to lend a helping hand to someone who needs it. I hope to figure some things out about myself. I hope to have a life-changing experience. I hope to meet amazing people who will help me see the world differently. I hope to have a positive effect on at least one person. I hope that I don’t find myself at the bottom of the food chain when I venture out into the African wilderness on my safari!!! Ha ha! :-D But seriously, I do also hope, if you continue to read this blog, that you will enjoy my journey with me. I’ll see you on the other side!